There has been something I have been longing for. It had been there since the age of about 15 years and it’s building my own house one day. This dream has varied a little with each passing year and new idea but it has stayed strong.
I think it is because of my idea of home and why I’ve never felt truly “at home” anywhere. I grew up in a gorgeous location, and my house was pretty nice but being my parents’ house it is pretty much expected that I’d have very little control over how things were organised, what looked best where, etc. In fact the time I was allowed to rearrange a space (and not just my own room) was at Christmas to fit the tree into the living room, and summer to make a space infront of double doors to the garden. The rest of the time I was told off and to put things back.
I played The Sims in order to make houses. There was in fact a morning after I had dreamed something very vividly that I set to work and recreated it the best I could on The Sims, getting cheat codes for the money to do as much as I could.
With programs like Grand Designs, Location Location Location, and then Restoration Man (as well as smaller glimpses of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition), who can blame me for wanting to make a place beautiful, to create something to pass to my children, where I could live and play, and customise a place to my liking.
Once I moved out to become a student, life was hardly different. I might have some freedom of where furniture went in my student residence study bedroom but there were a lot of rules and you definitely were not allowed to make your personal preference physically know outside of your door (sometimes not even on it). Personality was squashed a little and moving into a student house didn’t change this much because it was still rented property.
Getting married and renting was different and yet the same. This time I basically rented the entire flat and what we did with it was up to me and my husband (mostly me). Of course there are still rules and so I still have that feeling that I’m in someone else’s property. Although us and our stuff are here, it still doesn’t quite feel like home, it feels like a stop-gap, somewhere to be until we figure out where to go next.
Pinterest has been somewhat useful to me in that it has allowed me to collect images for inspiration, piecing together what might one day be our home. I have always wanted it to be environmentally amazing, I want to be able to come off the grid and provide our own energy. I want to be able to have a space for everything, and a space for everyone who might come to visit. I want to use space well, in fun and creative ways, that will allow me to hide things away when they’re not in use and stop clutter pouring into the gaps, the corners, and wherever else dust can start to build up.
I have big dreams and big ambitions. My husband has lovingly accepted this one and I am including him in my ideas, making sure it won’t be my home, it will be our home. I want something to pass on. Somewhere I can bring my parents if they need help in their old age. I want somewhere to be me, and to let people feel comfortable being them.
Here are just a few images that I’ve been inspired by so far.
Hopefully, one day I’ll be able to write about my progress building, and the final result. But now, I will have to make do with my home being where my heart is, and my husband has that.
What is home for you?
- Hobbit Holes (elizainkwell.wordpress.com)