So there have been times over the past few months where I haven’t been sure my life is interesting enough to write a blog. Of course in a few days something caught my attention, most of the time, and so this is really the first time in my life I’ve learnt to write regularly. This part of it all, on the other hand, is huge, not just something catching my eye, this is life-changing, mood-altering, plan-shifting stuff.
I am having a baby. BOOM.
I decided to include this in my blog, sort of, partly for family and friends, who for one reason or another can’t be in contact all the time. By writing this I can keep them in the loop, ask for prayer, ask questions of them and the world to gain advice on this thing that feels so completely beyond me. Yet, another reason I’m writing this is because, despite technologies many flaws, this may well give me a journal that I can show my kids one day. They can read about their journey into the world and learn about it all for when they have their own children. This is my pregnancy journal. This is my story of the time I have being one of two people within my body.
Two days ago I was feeling sick as a dog; I had headaches and stomach stuff happening and no real reason.. well, I had one possible reason and so I sat on the loo staring at this little stick wondering if the tiny pale line (and we’re talking really pale) was just in my head. At first there had been nothing and that would mean no pregnancy, but now a minute later there was something, but I could still be crazy.. I called hubby, I asked him whether it was just me or could he also see a line. He saw a line but didn’t know what that meant. To be completely truthful I didn’t really know what that meant. I had read the instructions, a line meant pregnant, but it implied a whooping big “YOU’RE PREGNANT” line, and this was pale enough to think my eyes were just tired, seriously. We didn’t believe it, didn’t trust it, and were not going to get our hopes up over a line that faint. Or at least we tried not too.
We would buy another one, two in fact just to make sure, and test the day after. If it was just HCG levels being a little low in early pregnancy, that would explain the faint line and they would increase over time. If no line came up later in the week then I was not pregnant and that would be that. It did leave us with an interesting night of not knowing though.
The next day we went to Tesco and picked up two tests promising over 99% accuracy. This time it was very clear (though the result had to be clearer than the assembly of the damn thing!) and I was pregnant.
In February I came off anti-depressants. A month ago I gave over us having kids to God again. Less than a month ago I was boosted in my faith and wrote about my testimony. Do I think God chose the best darn time He could? Yeah I do. The baby couldn’t be affected by the medication anymore, I have more faith in God than I have for awhile, and I gave it all to Him.
The hubby was a little freaked, in a good way but I’m not sure he quite knew what to say. After telling friends and family he was as bouncy, excitably and loving life as he could be though, so it was all fine. That seems like the beginning of his crazy excitement..
There are just so many questions I have. Suddenly everything I already knew about motherhood and pregnancy disappeared from my mind. I was desperately trying to find details on midwives in Dundee, checks, antenatal care, eco-friendly diapers, worries about Downs Syndrome and genetic diseases, and how I would figure out work before the birth and continuing education after the baby was born. Then there’s names, how we were going to tell everyone and when, plus diet and exercise. Just so much! Does everyone feel this overwhelmed this quickly?
So we started with telling our families – that was hilarious! Both sets of parents weren’t sure they could be old enough to be grandparents and we decided hubby’s Nannie is from now on going to be Nannie the Great (still think she needs a Viking hat)! My Dad was almost as bouncy as hubby and my sister was very excited to be an aunty and go shopping – typical! We then proceeded to tell some very special people before going to sleep very late. The next morning (today in fact) we continued and found an image to let our social network know. This is what we used:
Today we decided we would start on a good foot and go for a walk. Walking is good exercise and good for baby so we parked up on the riverside, and walked until the airport blocked our path. On the way back we prayed. An eight month head start seemed a decent portion of prayer time for our childs life. We prayed for adventure, and good friends, good guidance, and that we would be good parents; we prayed that God would be with them and thanked Him for knitting this child in my womb, that we wouldn’t worry about the risks, and gave everything to God, asking only that His will be done. It was really good. It is strange but I already love this poppy-seed-of-a-child. Apparently quite a few other awesome people do too. We’ve already had prayers and laughter and joy.
All I can say now is bring it on! Due on the 26th December, Boxing Day – going to be a very busy Christmas!
One last thing, I was tempted by the internets ability to merge faces and create images of babies. This is how our lil un came out, first without ticking a gender, then a boy, then a girl. It is strange that neutral baby looks a lot like me as a baby. Scary times but also quite nice.